late night vegetations... erm, meditations

I wish I had that magic focus button, you know, the one that tells you, even when you Aren't at work, that there are things you should be doing and that you should definitely be wearing more than underpants and a ratty, old sports bra.  Instead, I come equipped with that quasi-stoner voice that sounds a whole lot like a lady tommy chong who says "it's cool, man, hygiene is for suckers.". My inner hippie clings to this beanbag like rose clung to that board in the freezing Atlantic.  I'm lazy, and not proud of it. I am in awe of people that can get off of the couch after working an entire 8 hour shift.  I'm still not convinced that an upper of some sort has not come into play. " look, a normal person, only now with 30% more crack cocaine! ". Sounds like a party!

Procrastination...

Thou art truly my nemesis.  I put off unpleasant tasks as long as I possibly can.  Why do today what you can do...next December?  As a result when I finally get around to doing what I set out to do the task seems overwhelming.  I am an unorganized mess!  Ugh....I need to find a better way of doing things....and I think that I should downsize my wardrobe to four outfits.  Laundry is my most-hated task and my bedroom can attest to this fact....speaking of which....that bedroom is what I am supposed to be cleaning right now.   Up and at 'em lady!

It's all about me! Or is it?

Recently I have discovered something about myself that I really don't like. Even though I
like humanity as a whole I am a pretty self involved person. I ask people questions they have already answered. This is not because their answer was unimportant the first time but because I didn't give the answer the attention it deserved. It's not fair to that person and it's not fair to me. The people in my life, as I have mentioned, are glorious creatures full of layers and facets that I have thoughtlessly left undiscovered. Sometimes the noise of my everyday life drowns out the quiet voices that hum beneath the surface. What have I missed by not going deeper? Who have I alienated by tuning out? I'm scared of what those numbers would actually be. But there is one thing I can promise: I will do everything in my power to make sure it doesn't happen again.

Greetings and salutations!

I am blogging from my bed via iPhone. Believe me, I know how pretentious that sounds...so my initial thought was to blog about the shiny things I saw at walmart that almost made me spastic but then I became pensive. We are creeping up on valentine's day and I have friends in every stage of love right now: the brand spanking new love, the slightly older but still exciting love, the been together forever comfortable kind of love and tragically the I love you but I'm no longer In love with you love. I mainly just spectate from the sidelines. I've been in love, been in lust, had crushes but nothing seems to stick. This isn't necessarily a bad thing it's just a matter-of-fact retelling. I'm a little envious of the happily paired. I'm glad for them sure. Everyone deserves to be happy, to have someone to wake up with, to comfort us in our darkest days. I have the most amazing circle of friends ever. These are people who are generous and good and caring, but none of them look at me like I am the only thing that they can see, the only thing that matters. Do I want that? Of course I do. Can I live without it? Sure. These are just the musings I have when i see one too many cupids.

Casimir Pulaski Day

My first youtube video!

October Spaghetti

I've been silent for a while,  Things have been kind of hectic around here.  My dad got in an accident that I would rather not go into (it only makes me sad and weepy and helpless feeling, he is taking it much better than I am).  I'm going home in a few days with a tremendous feeling of trepidation.  I love my family with everything in me.  Without them I am unmoored and uncertain.  But things have changed and there is no way for me to fix that.  There are times when I am forced to reexamine everything of which I was certain.  My dad is a man I very often take for granted.  He is an unselfish man who has never asked for much out of life.  Any time I needed him I knew he was just a phone call away.  He still is but the dynamics have changed,  I am not a baby any longer, a scared girl uncertain of the world.  I am a woman who has met so many people, who has seen little bits of a whole lot.  In all my travels I can safely say there is no one quite like him.  He is human and he is fallible, but come hell or high water he is There.  He rocked me to sleep when I sobbed as a little girl, he taught me to ride a bike, he taught me to fish.  And he listened.  When I talked to him I never felt like he was listening to shut me up.  He cared what I had to say.  And he still does.  There are so many regrets I have when it comes to my papa.  Perhaps it's time to try to fix what's broken.