Monday, October 18, 2010

October Spaghetti

I've been silent for a while,  Things have been kind of hectic around here.  My dad got in an accident that I would rather not go into (it only makes me sad and weepy and helpless feeling, he is taking it much better than I am).  I'm going home in a few days with a tremendous feeling of trepidation.  I love my family with everything in me.  Without them I am unmoored and uncertain.  But things have changed and there is no way for me to fix that.  There are times when I am forced to reexamine everything of which I was certain.  My dad is a man I very often take for granted.  He is an unselfish man who has never asked for much out of life.  Any time I needed him I knew he was just a phone call away.  He still is but the dynamics have changed,  I am not a baby any longer, a scared girl uncertain of the world.  I am a woman who has met so many people, who has seen little bits of a whole lot.  In all my travels I can safely say there is no one quite like him.  He is human and he is fallible, but come hell or high water he is There.  He rocked me to sleep when I sobbed as a little girl, he taught me to ride a bike, he taught me to fish.  And he listened.  When I talked to him I never felt like he was listening to shut me up.  He cared what I had to say.  And he still does.  There are so many regrets I have when it comes to my papa.  Perhaps it's time to try to fix what's broken.